


let's stop running from love

by inpiniteu



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chaptered, Light Angst Later, M/M, Romance, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inpiniteu/pseuds/inpiniteu
Summary: Jonghyun gets an email from his university crush and the only man he's ever loved. Suddenly, his boring life doesn't sound that boring anymore.It can't be, not when he's falling for Hwang Minhyun all over again, and this time, cowardice is out of the picture.Yes, Kim Jonghyun is going to stop running away from a chance at love.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Comments: 11
Kudos: 34





	let's stop running from love

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Troye Sivan's "My My My!” which made it into my writing playlist for this fic.
> 
> No angst in this chapter, and nothing really bad in the next one (or two?) but preferred tagging just in case.
> 
> Thank you to E. for reading this over and to everyone who let me rant about this fic and is supporting me!

Jonghyun stares at the subject of the email he’s just received, disbelief written all over his face.

_You’ve got mail from Hwang Minhyun._ It’s simple and a few words shouldn’t affect him like this, but Jonghyun is sure that even winning the lottery couldn’t overwhelm him more than this.

For a second, he thinks that someone must be playing a bad joke on him but it doesn’t make any sense and he's quick to discard the thought. Mingi can be a little shit at times, but his best friend wouldn’t go to such lengths to play a prank on him. Jonghyun doesn’t even think Mingi remembers who Minhyun is, or that Jonghyun is still using his email address from their uni days.

Jonghyun doesn’t have many other friends and even fewer who know Minhyun so he’s momentarily at a loss.

There’s only one conclusion— Minhyun himself has truly sent the unopened email and he doesn’t know how to feel about this. The email and the fact it’s from _him_ is so unexpected and Jonghyun doesn’t quite like how affected he is by a simple, still unopened message and a ghost of the past.

No one would be able to guess he’s turned thirty just two months ago by the way he’s acting, but Minhyun had always managed to turn Jonghyun into a blushing, nonfunctioning mess before and it’s not any different now.

From the first time Jonghyun saw him, studying with his friends and annoying the librarian with that loud laugh of his, Jonghyun had been smitten.

Before Minhyun, Jonghyun hadn’t really given much thought about his sexuality, though he had always felt out of place when discussions about the prettiest girls in school occurred between his friends and when the big-chested characters of his favorite graphic mangas didn’t excite him the way they excited his fellow hormonal, teenage friends. These had been the first signs that perhaps he was different.

Indeed, after that, more things started to make sense—like how his oldest noona’s celebrity crush became the main character in one or two of his wet dreams, or why he didn’t feel comfortable around girls in general.

And then, Jonghyun had gotten his first crush in the form of Hwang Minhyun.

Like many firsts, it had been intense, unforgettable, and pure like only first loves, even one-sided, could be.

“Hwang Minhyun,” he sounds out loud, almost testing the name on his tongue, and his treacherous heart flutters. Jonghyun shakes his head and chuckles at himself. He’s turning into a fool, or maybe he’s always been one.

A fool for Hwang Minhyun—at this point it could very likely turn out to be the title of his autobiography. He’s certain that Mingi would probably buy a copy or a two, and maybe even ship one to the sole person responsible for the pathetic mess he’s being reduced into.

Even without being there and with just an email, Minhyun manages to affect Jonghyun as no one else can and like no one has since ever managed to, not that Jonghyun really tried to date in the first place.

Jonghyun hasn’t heard about Minhyun in years, but it would be a lie to say he hasn’t thought of him since their graduation. Minhyun has haunted his thoughts more than he would like to admit because it’s truly embarrassing to confess you’re still thinking of a guy you’ve been in love with since university so many years later.

It’s even more awkward that Jonghyun has never spoken more than a dozen words to him, despite Dongho offering to properly introduce them to each other multiple times. Back then, he had been satisfied with watching Minhyun being happy with other guys from far away. If Minhyun was happy, then so was he.

Thinking about it now, he was such a coward, and he quickly realizes that he still is one now, if only based on the fact the email remains unopened and he can’t gather enough courage to open it.

Jonghyun sighs and decides to close the tab for now. He will think about this later, maybe after a shower and a strong americano from the coffee shop next door. Or two, or twelve, not that coffee will do anything to calm the fast beating of his heart or help him make a decision.

Still, Hwang Minhyun can stay in the past a few more hours, he thinks, and he’s ready to shift his focus to other things, such as work and his ever-growing pile of dirty laundry. Anything, really.

Anything but Hwang Minhyun.

***

Jonghyun decides to open the email.

It only takes him two hours of intense thinking, a phone call to Mingi after his best friend was done with his musical show, and a can of beer to gather his courage to do so but once the wall of text shows up on his screen, he’s skimming over the words fast. So fast even, that he isn’t able to properly process what he was reading at all.

Jonghyun laughs at himself and rubs a hand over his face. “Get it together, Kim Jonghyun. They’re just _words_.”

He takes a deep breath, which only calms him down slightly and doesn’t stop his fingers from trembling over his keyboard, but he starts reading again. Slowly, word after word, sentence after sentence, until everything connects together.

_“Jonghyun-ah, hi._

_I have erased countless sentences and restarted writing this again and again and again. It makes me think that, perhaps, I shouldn’t do this and let it go._

_But if you’re reading this, it means I didn’t, right? Ah, you’re probably confused, getting an email from me. I hope my name rings a bell at least.”_

Jonghyun laughs at this. If only Minhyun knew. His name more than rings a bell, because well, who could forget Hwang Minhyun? Jonghyun, however, is a nobody so what could have pushed Minhyun to write to him so suddenly? Him, Kim Jonghyun, who liked to have gaming marathons in his room and who used to only dress in hoodies and checkered shirts over plain tees to Mingi’s despair?

It doesn’t make sense for Minhyun to contact him after so long, but the email is clearly addressed to him. As confused as he is, a little voice inside him tells him he should continue reading, so he does.

_“It would be nice for you to remember me or even for you to read this at all. I’m relying on fate and hoping that you are still using our university email address.”_

Jonghyun still does, not that Minhyun would know. It’s rather uncommon, though, and if asked, Jonghyun will always deny that he kept on using it because a part of him had always hoped for this to happen. That someday and out of the blue, he would get a sign from the only man he’s ever loved.

Loved from afar, but loved nonetheless.

Quickly enough, his breath gets shallower with every word he’s reading and he’s so overwhelmed his head reels. It’s not that he doesn’t want to believe them or doesn’t want to believe Minhyun but this all feels straight out of a drama and he’s no leading man.

Yet what’s happening only happens in those rom-com dramas Dongho used to watch, at Minhyun’s suggestion no less, and Jonghyun’s disbelief takes over the excitement he’s feeling.

He’s scared. Of course, he is, but not enough to put an end to what he knows is a major turning point of his life.

_“I turned thirty today. It feels like time is flying and yet…yet, I still can’t forget you, Kim Jonghyun. I think it’s time to stop being a coward and living in regret._

_Kim Jonghyun, I have liked you for a long time and I still got you on my mind. It may be years too late but will you go on a date with me?_

_If you’re not creeped out by now, and if there’s a slight chance that you feel about me the way I do about you, I hope you’ll meet me at the bottom of Namsan Tower on Saturday, 2pm._

_I will wait for you._

_— Hwang Minhyun.”_

Once he’s done reading, Jonghyun takes a deep breath. And then a second, then a third, and he keeps controlling his intake of air until he starts feeling like his world is back on its axis and he’s in control of his life again.

In a lot of different ways, he is. He’s a grown man with a job, an apartment, and a life that is somewhat satisfying, if a bit lonely at times. It’s a good life, but the problem might be that it’s just that. Jonghyun’s life is simple and easy. He’s content but being content doesn’t seem like enough anymore.

Perhaps, it’s time for a change and this message is the sign he didn’t know he was waiting for. Now, it’s up to him to do something about it. He’s the sole commander of his life and the choice is, more than ever, in his hands.

Minhyun has put the ball in his court, and whatever he does with it, there will be consequences for both of them. This is a scary thought, but Jonghyun is also tired of being scared. Nothing is going to change unless he wants it to.

It’s simple, all things considered: he either forgets about this whole thing and leaves the past where it belongs or goes to meet Minhyun on Saturday, takes a chance on them, and perhaps has his first love also be his last.

The choice, surprisingly, isn’t as difficult to make as he thought it would be and, as he settles in bed hours later, he’s still smiling, his thoughts revolving around pale skin, plump lips, and the cutest pair of blushing ears he’s ever seen—all belonging to the man he’s going to see again in four days.

***

In the light of a new day, Jonghyun doesn’t know if Minhyun is a genius, a complete moron, or both.

Namsan Tower didn’t seem like a bad spot for a date at first, and Jonghyun even thought it was perfect, to be honest. It was a romantic notion to meet at such a landmark, but he had the comfort of anonymity since, assuredly, no one would be paying attention to him.

Indeed, no one seems to be giving him a second glance as he’s awkwardly waiting alone for Minhyun and Jonghyun prefers it that way. For someone who is friends with a semi-famous musical actor and an indie singer whose career is slowly picking up, Jonghyun is quite shy and introverted. A recluse, Mingi would sometimes joke, but he’s always loved exaggerating.

It’s not as bad as Mingi makes it out to be—Jonghyun does go out, just not that often and never in places as crowded as Namsan is.

Still, the amount of people around him isn’t what bothers him. More than that, it’s the particular meeting spot Minhyun picked that is a source of stress and is making Jonghyun believe his date didn’t think this through properly. What’s the bottom of Namsan Tower for God’s sake?

He swears he’s tried to figure it out, but nothing makes sense and after walking a few minutes in a circle around the entrance of the tower, Jonghyun’s only certitude is that even Minhyun himself has no idea of where they’re supposed to meet.

_Oh well_ , he thinks. There’s nothing he can do about it and he quickly opts for standing by the photo booth nearby the entrance, his back against the fence, as he waits for Minhyun to show up.

Jonghyun takes his phone out of the pocket of his leather jacket, and as he checks the time, he suddenly feels the nerves rush through his veins. Minhyun should be here soon, if he isn’t walking to him already. He remembers Dongho complaining more than once about Minhyun’s stern sense of punctuality back in the day, which always made him laugh and wonder how their friendship worked because Dongho never was, and never will be, on time.

Now, though, laughing is the last thing on his mind and he’s left distracting himself by checking on the latest updates of this webtoon he’s been hooked on just to avoid thinking about the situation he’s put himself in by coming here.

He’s about to finish the second to last chapter he’s missed as someone clears his throat next to him and he freezes in place. “So, it seems you haven’t changed at all, Kim Jonghyun.”

Minhyun is here. He’s here and Jonghyun is so nervous he’d have dropped his phone if not for the reflexes he obtained after years of intense gaming. He quickly stuffs it into his pocket again, closes his eyes for a second, and then finally looks up and straight into Minhyun’s eyes once he’s deemed himself ready to deal with the force that is standing in front of him.

“Hello to you, too, Hwang Minhyun.”

Minhyun smiles, and Jonghyun takes in the man looking at him with bright, twinkling eyes. The round cheeks and boyish hairstyle from the past have been replaced by a sharp jawline, hair up and perfectly in place, and clothes that look more expensive than Jonghyun’s whole wardrobe. Hwang Minhyun has grown up well, it seems, and Jonghyun can almost see himself fall in love at first sight for a second time.

Perhaps, Minhyun is as well, judging by the way he’s staring at him from head to toe and taking him in. Goosebumps rise on his skin.

Jonghyun didn’t dress up to impress this morning, not that he owns fancy clothes in the first place. He’s wearing a basic white tee under his jacket, his legs clad in a pair of tight jeans Mingi bought for him, but he hopes that Minhyun is still liking what he sees. It seems like he has nothing to worry about as Minhyun nods approvingly and says, “You’ve aged like fine wine, Jonghyun-ah. Also, you don’t mind if we talk casually to each other, right?”

Jonghyun immediately shakes his head. “No, I don’t.” On the contrary, he’s willing to embrace any opportunity for some familiarity between the two of them. Anything to forget he’s out with someone he knows close to nothing about.

He clears his throat and throws Minhyun a smile. “Thank you for the compliment, even though I don’t know how fine wine is supposed to taste like.”

Minhyun’s reaction is surprising. Jonghyun isn’t certain of what he expected, maybe some judgment or disdain, but neither are anywhere to be seen in Minhyun’s eyes. Instead, his ears are a bit red as he confesses in a low voice, “I don’t quite know either.” At Jonghyun’s raised eyebrow, he adds, “I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t like it.”

“Oh.” Jonghyun didn’t know that, but then again, he doesn’t know much about Minhyun. Most of his knowledge is murky and outdated, but that’s alright. That’s what first dates are for—learning about each other and he’s looking forward to that. Jonghyun wants to figure out who Hwang Minhyun is, wants to get to know every part of him.

His gaze roams all over Minhyun as if he were physically parched, drinking him in and unable to take his eyes away from the way Minhyun’s clothes are molded to his body, almost as if they were tailored for him.

The monogrammed cardigan and beige dress pants Minhyun is wearing are both from designer brands Jonghyun has only seen worn in fashion magazines and it’s obvious Minhyun has done well for himself. Even the white tee Jonghyun can spot under the half-buttoned cardigan somehow looks ten times more expensive than his own.

With his height and the way he carries himself, Jonghyun wouldn’t be surprised if Minhyun was working as a model. Based on the number of women, both young and old, who took a second glance at Minhyun while walking by, he isn’t the only one thinking so. Hwang Minhyun is handsome and Jonghyun is quite lucky for being the one on a date with him.

“You look really good, too,” he finally says, and it’s only once the words are out of his mouth that he realizes how straightforward he’s being. Overkill, really, but Minhyun doesn't agree with him, breaking into a pleased smile that makes Jonghyun swallow hard. Despite that, his throat stays dry and he finds himself even more breathless than before.

Minhyun is handsome by default, but the sight of a smiling Minhyun leaves Jonghyun suddenly scared for his sanity. He can recognize trouble when he sees it and Minhyun is just that. Oh yes, he thinks, Hwang Minhyun is trouble that he should run away from.

While his natural tendencies scream at him to run, he has to remind himself that only four days prior, he resolutely decided to stop doing just that. What if Minhyun isn’t trouble but what he needs in his life? What if Minhyun turns out to be the key to his happiness? He wants to believe in it. He needs to believe it or he’s doomed to sabotage himself again as a lifelong coward.

“So,” he starts, his voice faltering a little as Minhyun looks into his eyes again. Damn him. He licks his lips, unaware of the way Minhyun gulps at that, steadies himself, and asks, “What have you planned for us?”

Minhyun replies by taking two tickets for the observatory out of his cardigan pocket, waving them in the air. “Let’s go up there. The view of the city is beautiful from the deck.”

“Ah, really?” Jonghyun has never gone there. He’s been living in Seoul for close to ten years now, but coming here never crossed his mind. “I hope I won’t be disappointed,” he says in a teasing tone.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Minhyun’s shoulders relaxing slightly. He would've never guessed Minhyun was nervous by the way he’s grinning at him but appearances can be deceiving. “If the view is disappointing, I guess you can always look at me.”

Jonghyun can’t help the snort that escapes him, and he’s met with Minhyun’s amused gaze. “I can’t believe you. So shameless,” he mumbles, and Minhyun breaks into a soft laugh, though his cheeks are flushed.

Jonghyun laughs along, amused, and something switches between them. Jonghyun can breathe more easily now, like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He finally feels ready for this date and his newfound confidence can be heard in his next words. “Alright, Hwang Minhyun. I’ll just look at you, then.”

With that, he pushes himself off the fence and heads towards the entrance, aware of the stunned man he’s left behind.

Jonghyun is still grinning by the time they reach the fifth floor, only for him to admit that Minhyun was right. Seoul is displayed at his feet and the view is breathtaking. He quickly snaps a few pictures with his phone, not really checking how they came out. He’s tried but posting pictures online and taking aesthetically pleasant pictures aren’t really his thing.

“So, how’s the view?” Minhyun asks. “You’re not disappointed, I hope.”

“I’m not,” Jonghyun replies, stealing a glance at the man standing next to him, whose brows are furrowed in concentration as he keeps moving his phone around to get the best angle possible. Whatever he was about to say next is forgotten, just like the view he’s supposed to look at.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun says, unable to take his eyes away from Minhyun, who doesn’t even realize he’s pouting right now. “The view is definitely beautiful.”

***

“Let’s do that, too,” Minhyun suddenly says, bumping their shoulders together and surprising Jonghyun.

They’ve been walking around for over an hour now, just gazing at the scenery and taking pictures. Jonghyun found out Minhyun is a skilled photographer, and the way he talks about the craft is endearing. Minhyun promised him to show him more of his work someday, implying a second date and Jonghyun finds himself looking forward to that. To both seeing his work and the second date.

“Do what?” Jonghyun asks, his eyes trailing off in the direction Minhyun is looking at. His eyes stop on a giggling couple standing not too far from them, their heads close together as they’re busy writing something on a padlock.

Jonghyun quickly looks elsewhere, feeling like he’s intruding on a sweet moment he’s not supposed to witness in the first place. They look so happy and in love, and so do many other couples around them now that his focus isn’t all on Minhyun.

Minhyun, who is now looking at him with expecting eyes and the same sweet smile that captivated him years ago.

Everything went like Jonghyun hoped it would. Walking around and enjoying the scenery is enjoyable by itself, but it’s even better with good company and he loves being able to reminisce and create new memories together. Perhaps, dates aren’t as scary as he thought they were. He should’ve gone on more, he thinks, not that he truly wanted to but the practice would have been nice.

This one is comfortable and easy, but it could be because he’s there with Minhyun. They fit well together, like two peas in a pod. Like they belong together, even if it’s too early to say and sounds presumptuous.

Still, Jonghyun can’t help but wonder if he and Minhyun look like a couple to others, or if they can see through them and have noticed how awkward they are with each other.

This awkwardness is normal, he knows, especially on a first date and with someone you haven’t seen in _years_ at that, but for the first time since their date started, Jonghyun feels like they’re out of place. Like he’s made a big mistake by coming here.

The thought is a fleeting one, but the guilt that clings to his skin is a different story. He hates it.

Minhyun’s voice brings him back. “Earth to Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun blinks and slowly shakes his head, avoiding Minhyun’s eyes. “It’s cheesy,” he says to justify himself as he feels Minhyun stilling in place next to him. Fuck, he’s truly ruining everything, isn’t he?

He should’ve known that something like this would happen sooner or later. His inexperience in dating combined with the nervousness of seeing Minhyun after so long, on a date nonetheless, is just a lot to take in and despite enjoying his time with Minhyun, he’s been a ball of nerves all day.

“I mean—It’s not just that,” Jonghyun tries again. “We’re not even dating yet.”

In a way, it’s sort of a miracle Jonghyun didn’t mess up sooner, but it’s hardly a consolation. He wishes he could take his words back, but it’s too late and he’s left waiting in silence for his date to say something, wondering if he’s ruined all his chances at a second date. Hopefully not.

Minhyun quickly reassures him with a single word. “Yet,” he says, and at Jonghyun’s confused face, repeats himself. “We’re not dating _yet_.”

“I—” Jonghyun tries to gather his words but Minhyun doesn’t let him finish. “Don’t overthink this, Jonghyun-ah. Let’s just end this afternoon with a pretty memory.”

He must not look convinced, as Minhyun continues in a lighter tone. “Come on, you weren’t planning on doing this with someone else, were you? My feelings will be hurt if you’re thinking of another man while being here with me.”

His eyes are twinkling with mirth and Jonghyun’s lips twitch. Trust Minhyun to make a joke out of this but Jonghyun is grateful. He will take this over making Minhyun upset or disappointed in him. “No,” he replies after a few seconds of silence, “I wasn’t. I’m not, I mean.”

“Good.” Minhyun nods, extending one of his hands to him. “Let’s do it, then? I was thinking of getting a white lock and writing _Jonghyun and Minhyun’s 1st date_ on it. Just something simple like that, really.”

Jonghyun doesn’t hesitate any longer, taking Minhyun’s hand and holding tight. Couple or not, what he wants to do is clear as day now. He hums and squeezes Minhyun’s hand as they walk towards the booth selling locks. “Sounds good to me, Minhyun-ah, but I like blue better.”

“A blue padlock it is, then. Anything for Jonghyunnie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats on making it at the end of this chapter and thank you for reading! Stay tuned for the next chapter (it's already in the works!) ^^
> 
> [twitter](HTTP://twitter.com/astropicals) \- [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hwangpeach)


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